It's my second night back in the boarding house, and everything is looking just fine. The beginning of Term 4 seems to be fine. So far. I've got a great bedroom, with lots of space; I've got a revision plan set up for the next few days in preparation for the Exams next week; I've got an easy mind right now, which is so comfortable; and otherwise... fine!

The flight to Sydney was rather horrid. Although, I did manage to catch some sleep and watch some good movies. There was this huge group of what I thought was Italians in the same cabin as Riana and I. They looked like they were from Arab, but I really couldn't tell. There were just so many kids! It was amazing! They were everywhere! It was a nightmare. And their parents didn't seem to care if they made noise or hit their heads. That annoyed me alot.

Mum made us pasta bolognaise for the flight, which I ate most of because Riana didn't want to eat all of her share. I was worried that we would be forced to throw our containers into the quarantine bin just off the flight, so I rushed to the lavatories to get them washed. When I reached the toilets, I had this heavy cloud of unfortune floating above me. There was a long queue. I looked around and all the toilets were occupied. I looked at the first person of the messy queue, who was a tanned skin man wearing a red shirt. He didn't look very happy.

"I'm guessing you've been waiting here for quite some time?" I asked.
This middle aged lady, fourth in line, said, "Half an hour, to be exact! Half an hour."

The cloud of unfortune fell on me. It was cold.

In the end, I moved to the back of the plane to use those toilets. I suspect there was something dodgy in the roast beef they served for brunch. Or maybe the salmon sandwiches. Because I didn't have them and I got off the plane feeling just fine, not having spent more than half an hour in the toilets. Tough luck.

I saw Ray Wong, a family friend who goes to a school just 5 minutes away from where I am, at the back seat of the plane. He was sitting next to a little girl, and they conversed like they were long lost siblings. It was quite sweet. Normal of Ray to talk to his neighbour on a long flight. No matter what the age.

**********

Back to SCHOOL-LIFE talk. First day of school in Term 4 wasn't such a problem. No biggie. I couldn't really complain. It's school. We all have or had to deal with it.

I failed the Geography School Cert Trial exam. By one mark.
And the weird thing was, I didn't feel as awful as I should've or usually would've (Don't you love poetry? :) ). I just sat there thinking, "Whoa." But why. Why didn't I care? Or shed a little tear? I imagine I would've, but no I didn't. Soon after that lesson, I had forgotten about the little issue. It wasn't such a dilemma. It never was.

I sat at my desk in my bedroom during prep encouraging myself to try harder for these upcoming exams. I don't want to just give up. I don't want my Geography trial results to bring me down. If I go down, I'll understand. If I fail, I'm going to make sure I put up a hell of a fight before the result.

**********

I talked to mum a few days back about my status in school and my academic performance. I told her that if I was to fail an exam, I don't want her to think that I didn't study hard enough. I told her that there is a possibility that I'm just not a school person. She understood, and I thank her for that. I wish my dad would understand, but I don't dare to share this with him. He'd probably kill me.

You know how some people have many skills and some don't. Or, some have a specific skill and another doesn't? Well. I might've made my point through that mess. I think I'm not made for school. I know, no one is made for school, but some people can do it well enough to keep just above average. I can't. I can't hold on. Not anymore. Not in a school this big. I was a big fish in a small pond in AISM. Now I'm a medium sized fish in an ocean. If I'm not for school, my mum said that I'm for something else. Everyone is good at something, whether it be painting a wall, developing the world's best computer software or switching themselves into complete barbarians. And I think it's true.

So sometimes I wonder, if I'm not for school then what am I for? Maybe photography, I tell myself. Maybe writing. Haha. I'll let you be the judge of that. I'm still wondering about what I'm good at. And maybe, if I'm not good at anything, I should keep working on one thing. And sooner or later, I will become good at it. Or maybe, I should just keep looking and trying new things. I'm bound to find my good point.

I'll let school pass. I'll get it over and done with. I'm going to encourage myself not to fear losing to the smart people. I'm not going to care more or less about competition. I'm going to smile, mean it and leave it. At the end of the day, I will be feeling much better about myself. Unlike some people, who work hard only for the competition or to receive praise from their parents. I dislike being affected by such stereotypical things.

But that's another story :)

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier.

Cheers.